Baby #1 Flies the Homeschool Coop ~ And I'm Going to Need Therapy

Helloooooo!! I have missed you!! Where have I been for the past 1.579 weeks?? Well, just as we moved in, our sweet new home served us up a fresh slice of surprise, surprise, surprise (say it Gomer Pyle style!) which was no internet and absolutely no cell phone reception.  {Yay!} After living in a black hole for the last few days, we finally saw the light yesterday, thanks to all of the techie folks who threw us a rope and pulled us out.

Anyhoo....I can only assume that ya'll are back in the swing of school.  While my classroom is currently in fantastic crapstorm form, I am happy to report that our oldest was shipped off in tip-top form to a happily organized school with teachers who shower regularly and dress accordingly (unlike this teacher who, well, let's just not go there).  

How do you all do it?? I need your professional school mom advice. In an effort to kick off the academic year with a healthy dose of positive, I made waffles with love, dished out squishy hugs, pepped up my pep talk, and controlled my pathetic snotty sobs as best as I could. But, after all of that, he is fine, but I'm a wreck! I really don't know how I will handle Ben's absence in our homeschool.  I may be tempted to snatch him back...

Last night was the first time in ages that my nerves, like a pesky gnat buzzing relentlessly around my head, kept me from settling into a good night's sleep.  Sleep has never really been an issue for me.  I can sleep pretty much anywhere, anytime (any priest or professor will happily confirm your fact check).  But, last night, I knew that my son Ben, would be struggling to catch some REM's too, and worrying about him was really what kept me awake.

Sure enough, 11:00 p.m., we both staggered into the kitchen and rifled through dark cabinets in search of our trusty sleepy time tonic (you have to try this stuff!).  

"Are you nervous about school tomorrow?, Buddy?" 

{Long Pause}  "Yes."

His short and sweet answer was confirmation of my own restless feelings.  After another "good-night," I flopped back into bed, and stared out the window at the moon, wondering why we, in this big, big world feel so small and insecure about something as ordinary as school.  School.  Every kids goes to school.  It's not Mount Everest, it's school...

Knowing and accepting that we are in new in this community, that Ben has to begin again the process of making friends, learning a new system of procedures, accepting a fresh set of expectations, and waiting patiently for everything around him to become familiar and comfortable, left me wishing for a simpler path for him....for me.

I think that deep down, I just want it to be easy for him - easy like new experiences were for me growing up.  I wasn't afraid to do anything, I looked forward to change and newness, adventure and unpredictability.  I slept at night - every night, nothing kept me awake, especially nerves.  But, he's not like me in that way.  

The challenges life throws at us strengthen our character and our will.  Strength and endurance is what I truly desire for my children.  I don't want to raise sons who wilt under the slightest bit of pressure....or worse yet, run away from life's fiery furnace screaming, "Mommy!"  Easy street for them is easy street for me.  I won't deny the fact that at times I wish that everything in life was smooth as a baby's butt for the boys, because then I could check out for a moment, sit down and put up my parenting feet for a while....wouldn't that be nice??

This morning, I rose early, wanting to ensure that I had plenty of time to prepare a big breakfast for Ben's hearty appetite.  I was surprised to hear him up and around before the sound of his alarm.  Darn nerves.  I sipped my coffee while he inhaled his stack of waffles, letting his signature hum (the one that rises from a happy mouth whenever it's full of favorite food) fill the silence.

Ben's contemplative nature offers quiet more often than conversation.  Again, NOT like his mama, who would do well to contain the spewing verbal fountain of her mouth once in a while. He has a quiet confidence that is admirable, and a pleasure to know. If only he knew how very much I love spending time with him - even if we just sit and eat together - love for food is something we do have in common!

I wasn't sure if Ben would let me take a few pictures of him before school this morning - him alone, his brothers still buried beneath the warm covers.  Those boys do everything together, but today, Ben was flying solo. I wondered if he would miss them, or if he just knew, deep down, that this is his time, that he's the one who has to go first, he's the one who will show them how this "school outside of home" is done.

Any anxiety that may have been stirring within our big boy, was held at bay, concealed by the curl of a grin that I know and love so well.

Here we go. 

It's time. 

 Every mom in America does this.  

I can do this.  I can let him go. 

I will let him go - and he will be himself, just as he should be.

The end of all learning is to know God,

and out of the knowledge to love and imitate Him.

- John Milton